


wicked games

by darklesmylove



Category: The Folk of the Air - Holly Black
Genre: Angst, Be Very Afraid, F/M, I can't wait a year for queen of nothing, I faked you out there didn't I, I mean I have some theories but, I might add a few chapters of actual plot, JUDE will be drunk stay tuned for that shitshow, at least two more chapters, but WHY CARDAN WHY, cardan is drunk, even more drunk than usual, four parter im thinking, god i love this ship, im fine, its fine, jude is fucking pissed dude, just kidding there will be much more, major angst, might have some smut in there in the future if I add a chapter or two, post the wicked king, smut will happen dont worry, so I will continue to compensate with writing it out for myself, so first of all obviously twk spoilers, so im in post wicked king depression, so much fucking angst, still I can't believe holly black did us so dirty, this is basically technically drabble I guess but, this is just basically the aftermath of jude's exile and how it affected both of them, we'll see
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-10
Updated: 2019-08-06
Packaged: 2019-10-07 15:51:57
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 16,958
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17368859
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/darklesmylove/pseuds/darklesmylove
Summary: the aftermath of the high king exiling his seneschal is more devastating than one would have initially thought.post the wicked king, all of the angst in the world for your painful enjoyment





	1. a hundred times over

**Author's Note:**

> this book ruined me and I needed to write my feelings out. I hope you all enjoy and can come cry over my faves with me because I am destroyeddd

Since he had exiled his seneschal away back to the mortal lands of her origin, not a single soul could deny that the High King was... different.

His air of boredom and ease that had formerly clung to him like perfume was now gone, dark circles and exhaustion having since replaced it.

More often than not his perfect lips were stained with gold and his eyes glassy with wine, though despite it all he managed to end up sleeping alone every night. 

His dreams were plagued by his wife, the High Queen.

Jude.

Sometimes he woke up tangled in a mess of sweat and sheets with her name on his lips, the bitter ache clawing at his chest far too painful to ignore. Sometimes his heart beat so fast with something between fear and longing that he thought he might drive himself mad. 

Most times he imagined her beside him, the heady scent of her mortal skin and her body flush against his. It was the only thing that kept him sane, yet simultaneously managed to destroy him piece by piece every subsequent night they were apart. 

The land greedily drank in his suffering, the colors startling and almost painful in their intensity, the air thick and sweet, every breath tasting as if one was drinking a mouthful of honeysuckle. 

Any mention of her name brought storms rushing in with thick, dark clouds and droves of freezing rain. 

It was quickly learned to avoid speaking of the mortal girl around him. 

And though quite surprisingly the High King had since come to embrace his role as ruler, no one could deny that he was Cardan Greenbriar no longer. Cardan was not sitting in on council meetings, the man who slumped on his throne before them was a mere shell of what he had once been. 

Instead of listening he was clinging to thoughts of his seneschal, lost in a sea of dreams and blurry memories. 

He had lost himself in her. She had taken him with her into exile, his heart clutched unknowingly in her grasp. 

That epiphany came to him like the shock of ice water one night as he lay curled up in the comforts of his grand bed.

But funnily enough, he didn't resent her for it, his former hatred had faded in the face of the realization of how much he needed Jude Duarte. Everything that he had once despised about her he now craved more than ever, her mortal beauty, her sharp tongue, her growls of frustration and flushed cheeks. The knowledge that she more than likely hated him even more than she had previously was painful in its reality. Even more painful considering he had finally actualized his feelings of her into something breathtakingly sensible. 

He had betrayed her, but he had done it for her. To keep her safe. 

Because he was in love with the very mortal that he had once resented with every fiber of his being. 

That was his one solace in the dark, as he laid amidst a heavy swath of blankets, that despite everything, she would be kept from harm. Every last second of agonizing suffering, of painful, shattered breaths and miserable exhaustion was worth it. Even every soft, muffled sob as he cried into his pillows, because very quickly he had come to find he was so completely and utterly alone without her by his side. 

He had done it for her, and he would have done it again a hundred times over. 

But even still, he reached out for her in the dark, whispering words of regret accompanied by soft promises that one day, he would find a way for them to be together. 

***

Most nights she didn't sleep.

The abrasive sounds of traffic and the city accounted for a part of why she tossed and turned late into the night, the unfamiliar sounds frustratingly loud and obnoxious compared to the peaceful quiet of Faerie. 

But more than that, her eyes stubbornly refused to close mainly due to the fact that she was utterly terrified of dreaming. 

She was afraid of dreaming of him. 

Her anger was white hot in its intensity, often she found herself trembling with fury, her hands balled so tightly into fists she began to leave increasingly bruised marks on the soft flesh of her palms. 

She hated him more than she ever had, more than all the times he humiliated her or spat stinging insults or made her feel like she was nothing.

Because worse than all of that, for the briefest of moments, he had made her feel like she could belong. 

Like she could belong with him. 

She hated him that much more because, somehow, he had made her want to belong with him. 

Her days stretched on meaninglessly, her movements listless and her eyes clouded with thoughts of another world as she moved about her sister's apartment not unlike a ghost. She didn't fit into this world and she didn't make an attempt to either. 

Most days she did nothing at all. Most days she ate nothing at all. Most days she didn't even speak a single word. 

Most days she could do nothing but think of him.

The lack of control she had in her dreams was what frightened her from succumbing to sleep, but while she was fully conscious she could do nothing but concoct convoluted plans of retribution, of bitterly cruel revenge against the High King. She grasped at the memory of holding a knife to his throat, of his fear and desperation and self loathing. She lived on the thought of his pain. 

And yet. 

More often than she would ever admit, without her even realizing it her thoughts would shift. Instead of holding a knife to his throat it would be her lips. The memory of his skin was intoxicating, she easily got drunk off of the thought of his breath mixing with hers, soft quips snapping between them amidst panting pleasure. 

In those moments she would bite her lip so hard she would draw blood, plunging herself back into the shockingly cold waters of reality. 

Reality was that he had exiled her, and even if he somehow eventually ended up begging on his knees for forgiveness, she would never give it to him. 

Despite everything she told herself, still, she could think of nothing but him. 

And despite everything, her only comfort was his name on her lips, whispered like a sinful prayer into the quiet darkness that threatened to consume her. 

***

Neither of them knew how often they talked to the other in the dark. 


	2. drunken confessions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello friends! its 2am and im doing this instead of writing my research paper, so theres that. ive been sitting on this for a little bit but I think its good enough to see the light of day but I dont know? im so tired the screen is blurring lol
> 
> so for this all of cardan's povs will be third person and jude's will be first person... I dont know why I did that, dont ask me for a rational explanation because I dont have one oops
> 
> I think there's going to be four chapters total just a heads up
> 
> also there will be smut so if thats what you really want from me then FINE im giving it it'll happen stay tuned
> 
> okay enjoy <3

Cardan's P.O.V

Cardan could not have been more drunk, and he was dimly aware of that fact. His pupils were blown wide, laughter bubbling from his lips as he staggered into his room, leaning heavily against Locke and Nicasia. 

"Cardan, walk straight." 

He dimly registered the command, though he paid it no mind. In fact, he was entirely too occupied with thinking of Jude to do much of anything else. A heavy stumble landed him straight into a face full of the soft sheets of his bed. He let out an exhale of satisfaction, clutching the fabric into his chest as though it were the curve of her mortal body. "Jude," he murmured, a gentle hum of delight.

A haughty scoff made his heavy eyelids flutter open to see Nicasia glaring at him while Locke looked on in relative disinterest. "Why are you still obsessing over that stupid mortal?" she seethed, folding her arms tightly over her chest, "She killed your brother and is in exile for fuck's sake, get over her already!" Anger sparked in his chest, burning hotter with the addition of the alcohol running through his veins. "Get out, you're the stupid one," he snapped, his normally sharp tongue unable to come up with a better reply what with the wine weighing it down with sweet, cloying liquor. She visibly bristled, her piercing eyes glittering with something akin to hatred before she promptly swept out of his rooms in a twirl of sapphire blue silk.

Locke remained, his arms loosely folded over his chest as he regarded the High King in a contemptuous manner that most would consider to be borderline treason. "What is your fascination with her?" Locke finally questioned, the inquiry laced with a suspicious amount of curiosity. Cardan swiped his tongue over his lower lip, lapping up the last bit of gold staining it. A soft moan of content escaped his slightly parted mouth, his eyes fluttering closed as the room tilted around him. He hugged the soft press of sheets even closer. "Cardan?" Locke pressed, his steps nearing the side of the bed. In a haze of drunken stupor and delight, he let the words slip. 

"I'm in love with her."

Locke's startled exhale was almost imperceptible, yet still surprising considering he didn't often get shocked. 

He didn't say another word, merely walking out and leaving the High King alone in his chamber to continue to drunkenly whisper into the sheets so lovingly it was as if the fabric was actually Jude herself, the mortal women he had long ago realized he was hopelessly, irretrievably in love with. 

***

Jude's P.O.V

"Jude I really think you need to start considering getting a job," Vivi spoke with a touch of concern, her words slightly distorted due to the mouthful of cereal she was chewing. I didn't bother to look up from my spot on the couch, watching the game show flashing on the television set with what one looking on would probably describe as a concerningly dazed look on my lips. "Hello?" Vivi repeated insistently, a tinge of irritation edging the word. I gradually shifted my attention, looking over at my older sister with the interest of someone pulled away from their last meal. "What, Vivi," I sighed, the ache in my chest thrumming back into existence at the sight of her cat eyes.

Any reminder of Faerie was almost excruciating, taking my breath away as if someone had slammed a fist straight into my gut.

"I really think you should get a job, it'll help you," Vivi reiterated with a slight pitying tilt of her head. I clenched my jaw, folding my arms over my chest with a clear air of defiance. "Help me what?" 

"If you really want me to say then I will. You need help to get over what Cardan did to you. Come on Jude, you know I'm right." 

Anger grew thick in my mouth. "Don't fucking say his name to me," I hissed in return, my fingers viciously digging into the leather cushions of the worn, weathered couch. Every emotion I had felt as I was dragged away by guards in front of a wickedly pleased audience whilst staring into his coal black eyes came flooding back in a staggering wave. The thought of his eyes sent a pang of infuriating longing throughout my body.

I thought I might have loved those eyes once.

Now I wanted nothing more than to pin him to the ground and gouge those eyes out for revenge. 

"I'm perfectly content to live out the rest of my days on this couch," I clenched my teeth, returning my gaze to the television. With that, I ignored every subsequent word out of Vivi's mouth, stubbornly narrowing my eyes at the screen in front of me. I didn't move for what felt like an eternity, even after Vivi was long gone I didn't shift a single muscle until a full hour passed after the front door had closed.

Then the tears came.

Tears of anger, betrayal, heartbreak, it was all a tangled mess of emotions at this point that not even I myself could discern. I craved his touch, his voice, his snarky remarks and whispered vulnerabilities and drunken ramblings. I hated that I craved it, so much so that it was dizzying. The tears continued to spill from my eyes and stream down my cheeks as I threw my body off the couch, making for the kitchen with furious, wild steps.

"I'm going to destroy him," I sobbed to no one in particular in something like consolation, snatching a knife from its designated drawer and clenching the grooved handle tightly in my calloused palm. My feet moved into a battle stance as naturally as breathing, jerking the knife in repeated patterns of sword maneuvers just as I had done time and time again back in Faerie. 

Except now, standing on the scuffed linoleum floor and wielding nothing but a dull steak knife, I was imagining the crystal clear image of the High King's face as I stabbed the air with increasing ferocity.

I would get my revenge, one way or another, it was only a matter of time. 

***

Cardan's P.O.V

Cardan was in the depths of a council meeting when someone whispered the words in his ear, a rumor that had been skittering through the palace walls with increasing frequency. 

His slender fingers tightened around the armrests of his throne, his heart stuttering, almost skipping a beat entirely. 

Immediately, he knew who had to be behind it.

"Excuse me," he stiffly spoke as he stood up with his newfound air of authority that easily silenced the room, interrupting whoever had been in the middle of speaking. 

Quite frankly he didn't care about whoever he had cut off, he was seeing too much red to even discern the individual anyways. 

The room fell silent as they watched him stalk out, hands clenched and tail flicking back and forth in agitation. 

A rare event when the High King lost his temper, making it that much more terrifying when it happened. 

It didn't take long for him to find who he was looking for, one of the few people he had thought he could call a friend. 

"Locke!" he snarled, making him turn, tawny eyes widening a split second before Cardan slammed him against the cold stone wall, pinning him there with a painfully placed elbow against his throat. The High King looked at him with the heat of murder, coal black eyes blazing with fire, his dazzlingly white teeth bared. "You dare speak of her," he spat, the overwhelming rush of anger drowning out any other rational thought.

The shock quickly dissipated from Locke's features, an exaggeratedly innocent look replacing it. "What is the matter my good friend? I was merely speculating on the reasoning behind her exile." Locke's surely satisfied tone was almost enough to destroy the last scrap of restraint Cardan had left. "Yes, rumoring that your High King impregnanted his former seneschal, what a harmless speculation," Cardan seethed, his sharp jawline even deadlier with clenched tension. Locke shrugged as much as he was able to under Cardan's suffocating grip, tilting his head slightly in provocation, "I must admit it was a ridiculous speculation considering you hate her, right? My High King?" A mocking agreeability stained his silky words, making Cardan jerk backwards in a movement dangerously close to a flinch.

An affirmation desperately tried to roll off his tongue, but as much as he tried, he couldn't get the word out. Instead, he settled for a curt nod.

There was a moment of stillness, the two Faerie men staring at each other in something like a silent challenge. Finally, Cardan stepped away from him, his eyes as black as blotches of spilled ink against parchment. "Keep your gossiping to a minimum in the future," he ordered in a dangerously soft tone, pausing for another long moment before turning on his heels and striding back down the hallway, chest aching with the revelation that maybe the person he had just walked away from was not anything close to his friend. 

***

Cardan's P.O.V

He had set his room on fire again.

This time he was alone, he had tipped a precariously balanced candle over and watched in intoxicated fascination as his curtains quickly became swallowed by hot, flickering flames. He felt no fear as he watched them burn, the heat washing over his skin a welcome caress. 

He felt nothing. 

And yet, despite the numb, hollow feeling slowly carving out his chest, when the Bomb rushed in to find his room destroyed and up in flames, he still had managed to dissolve into sobs, his face pressed against the soft comfort of his pillow. A pillow that he had saved and held close, the one that Jude had slept on the night he had asked her to be his wife. 

"Cardan, wh-what is going on?" the Bomb panicked, immediately rushing to the corner to stomp out the flames with the thick rubber sole of her boot. He didn't answer, he couldn't answer, not with the realization that he had sent away the only person that had ever cared for him. The only person that might have even loved him someday. 

The Bomb put out the last of the flames with an accompanied scowl of something between anger and worry. "Jude is not here to babysit anymore, Cardan, seriously, what the hell was this, you could have gotten seriously hurt!" she snapped, instantly regretting her harsh language when he flinched in response. He still couldn't trust himself to speak, instead reaching for the liquor bottle at his side and pressing the cool rim to his lips. The burn was a welcome distraction, he tilted his head back, making his golden crown tip slightly askew. "Nothing could hurt as bad as this," he spoke in something dangerously close to a whimper. His eyes closed, long dark lashes and smudged black charcoal only accentuating the glistening trails of dried tears on his pale cheeks. 

The Bomb found herself, quite simply, speechless. 

"I miss her," Cardan continued softly, his throat constricting painfully around the words, "I miss her so much it hurts, and as we speak she's in exile most certainly coming up with the best way to string me up by my stupid guts. And the worst part of it all is that I'd let her do it. I'd let her do whatever she wanted to me."

Another long, lingering drink. It tasted as fresh as chilled water on his tongue, a sure sign that he now was completely and utterly wasted out of his mind. 

His tail curled against his leg, twitching back and forth with dull agitation. 

"Cardan, I'm sorry to say but you need to let go of her," the Bomb spoke gently, picking her words as cautiously as she could and carefully avoiding mention of Jude's name, "She's exiled, so unless you plan on lifting that decree you can't be with her. And you know as well as I that she probably wouldn't want to be with you regardless."

The words stung. 

He absently twisted one of the heavy silver rings stacked on his long, elegant fingers, eyes glazing with thoughts far, far away from the room he was currently in. "Do you think she thinks about me?" he slurred slightly, the words thick and heavy on his tongue.

The Bomb visibly hesitated, uncertainty flashing in her eyes. "Maybe. I don't know."

Cardan let a bitter laugh spill from his slightly parted lips, a fresh tear unceremoniously working its way down his cheek. 

Another drink. 

"I really hope I don't remember this tomorrow," he suddenly determined a mere second before his eyes fluttered closed, body going limp as, promptly, he passed out. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as always with my work, feel free to leave any comments/constructive criticism/praise/kudos, its why I love to write and share my stuff with you all! :)


	3. the taste of faerie fruit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> its been forever since I updated, I know, but at least it hasn't been a month. in this house we call that a win.
> 
> school is still kicking my ass, I have three weeks left in the quarter so pray for me and my grades. but on the bright side I got all of the classes I wanted for next quarter. now thats a win amiright 
> 
> this is a long ass chapter, so I hope it makes up for the wait? and like im actually really happy with it? whats going on idk you tell me
> 
> anyways, enjoy <3

Jude's P.O.V

"You're up." 

The sound of Vivi's surprised voice floated into the kitchen, hopefulness and a touch of suspicion edging her tone. I didn't look up, my vision filled with stacks of scribbled plans, some crumpled and tossed to the side and others spilling over with scrawled writings scratched in bleeding ink. 

"I _am_ up, astute observation Vivi," I hummed, rubbing the back of my hand across my tired, burning eyes before scribbling another idea onto my list. 

"Why are you writing like a madman, what is all of this shit?" she frowned as she walked to the edge of the table, her eyes casting over my stacks of papers in relative distaste. I dimly felt the wicked, crazed grin involuntarily crawling up my mouth as my attention flickered up to her.

"Planning on how to best kill Cardan Greenbriar."

Her lip curled slightly in disapproval. "I can't believe you would even think about trying to go back, Jude, there's so much the mortal world has to offer. Less murder and stupid Faerie politics, for one."

I snorted, waving my hand in a dismissive gesture. 

I didn't have a chance to focus back on my papers before Oak came bouncing into the kitchen spouting unintelligible lyrics to some mortal world pop song. He stopped short when he noticed me sitting at the table, his eyes going wide. "Jude's up! Jude's up!" he promptly ran over to me chanting, throwing his tiny arms around my neck and hanging on me with painful enthusiasm. Begrudgingly, I put down my pen in favor of hugging him back, ruffling his silky hair with a weakly genuine smile. 

Oak was another reminder of Faerie that stung horribly, and as much as I didn't want to admit it, I had undeniably been avoiding interacting with him. Though to be fair, I didn't interact much with anyone.

But as of today, my days of moping were over. 

Inspiration had struck in the dark hours before sunrise, and I had subsequently stayed up all night devising the best strategy to find a way back to Elfame so I could murder my supposed husband. 

"What cereal today, Oak?" Vivi asked with a sigh, seemingly having given up on our conversation in favor of a more forgiving subject. Oak slid into the chair next to me, pouting his lips and swinging his short legs back and forth in thought for a brief moment.

"Lucky Charms!" he finally determined with a lopsided smile, slapping his hands on the table in excitement and for added emphasis.

"What about you, Jude," Vivi raised a brow as she plucked the bright red cardboard box from the cabinet and placed it on the counter. I shook my head dismissively, my stare dipping down as I turned my attention back to my papers. 

"Choke him to death with his stupid crown?"

Oak was suddenly over my shoulder, his small voice holding a mixture of fear and confusion as he read my scrawled words aloud.

I quickly snatched the paper away, clearing my throat as Vivi shot me a withering glare. "Really, Jude?" My shoulders lifted in a half shrug, though I shuffled my papers into a crude stack before pushing them out of Oak's line of sight. Truthfully, that was by far one of the tamest plans I had devised. "Eat up Oak, we're going to be late for school," Vivi placed Oak's bowl on the table in front of him before turning her attention to me. "Would you like to come, Jude? I could use someone to help me grocery shop afterwards." The proposition made my lip curl. I had gone to the mortal store 'Target' with her once before. Needless to say, I hated every second of it. The mortal world was obnoxious and loud and tiring at best.  

Though if I really thought about it, I would have readily used the same descriptors for half the people living in Faerie. 

But at least I had power in Elfhame. In the mortal world I was nothing, just another insignificant speck roaming the face of the earth with no purpose or meaning to life. I was nothing here. 

The queen of nothing. 

My teeth clenched together so hard it felt as if they might shatter from the pressure. 

Oak hugging me good bye was a dim sensation, the sound of him and Vivi leaving the apartment a million miles away.

The pen was snatched up from the table again in the span of a blink, a fresh set of new ideas of torture and humiliation spilling over in my thoughts.

I was going to make the King of Elfhame pay for what he had reduced me to. What he had taken away from me.

Preferably with his life.

***

Jude's P.O.V

I didn't know why I had done it, why I had gone to Vivi's stash of liquor and drank through her stores as if it was my last night to live. Maybe it had something to do with catching a scent not unlike someone I loved and loathed with every fiber of my being. Maybe it had been my eyes burning with angry, exhausted tears as I came up with the hundredth new idea for how best to kill that someone. Maybe it had been the thought of what he was currently doing, who he was currently laying with. 

Regardless, several empty bottles later I was sprawled out on the floor of my room, something between laughter and sobs spilling from my lips in between drunken hiccups as I stared listlessly up at the ceiling. 

What would I say to him when I inevitably fought my way back to Faerie? What would he have to say for himself?

Maybe I would carve out his vocal chords before he even got the chance to speak. It would be decidedly much easier that way, to not have to hear his carefully crafted lies and manipulation ever again. 

My fingers lazily crawled down my side, slipping out the kitchen knife I had come to keep strapped to my leg, a pitiful replacement for my daggers. Grasping its grooved handle, I held it above me, watching the light glint off of its sharpened blade with drunken fascination. My vision blurred in and out, my skin buzzing with heat. Another wild laugh formed on my tongue at the thought of what Cardan's face would look like when I found my way back. I would relish his terror, savor it, feed off of it. For once, he would be the one cowering, and I was going to enjoy every single second of it. 

The moment of satisfaction was short lived as a wave of unbearably warm nauseousness passed over me. My eyelids fluttered as I groaned, pressing a hand over my mouth to stifle the vomit that was threatening at the back of my throat. I was sweating and feverish, alternating between blissful and miserable as the world tilted around me in a haze of sickening dizziness. It baffled me how Cardan did this every day, how he _enjoyed_ it. Or maybe this was just another side affect of being drunk for mortals that the Fae never had to endure. The thought was bitter on my tongue. 

"Jude?" 

My heavy eyelids struggled to look up at the dim sound of Vivi's voice, her form blurring in and out of focus where she stood above me with her hands pressed on her hips.

"Hey sis," I greeted, slightly slurred as I absentmindedly reached for the last half empty bottle of vodka.

"I guess I can't be mad that you're finally acting like a normal teenager for once," she remarked mildly, though my intoxication wasn't quite strong enough to make me miss the mournful edge to her words.

"But I don't want to be normal." I felt the frown creep up on my lips of its own accord.

She snorted, bending down and starting to gather the bottles littering the carpet around me like some sort of shrine. The thought made me giggle briefly. "Jude, all I've wanted is for you to find happiness in yourself, outside of their world," she sighed, "I know I can't understand what it's like living there and not being one of them, but the point is that you never needed to be. You're Jude Duarte, the fiercest person I know. Being exiled doesn't take that away from you, neither does being _normal_ and living powerless in the mortal world."

If I hadn't been drunk, I dimly suspected the words would have ignited a spark of anger. Instead, a lump grew in my throat in response.

The words teased at my tongue, anxious to be voiced aloud.

_I just want to feel like I belong somewhere. With someone._

My mouth snapped shut around the admission even as Cardan's face flashed through my vision, making my nausea increase exponentially. 

"I'll try harder, Vivi, I promise," I mumbled, exhaustion firmly working to press my eyelids closed. 

She laughed in soft amusement. "Okay, Jude. Enjoy sleeping while it lasts, you're going to have a nasty hangover tomorrow." 

Something unintelligible parted my lips in response before, promptly, I passed out. 

***

Cardan's P.O.V

Cardan's mood was sullen, to say the very least. The festivities going on before him were in full swing, the people collectively intoxicated to a level that normally would have delighted him in witnessing the chaos that it elicited. But no drink has touched his tongue tonight, no nevermore graced his lips. He had remained painfully sober for quite possibly the first night since he had exiled Jude, and not for no good reason either. Orlagh was pressing for marriage again, threatening him in passive aggressive manners to make Nicasia his consort. Nicasia was currently gazing at him from across the room, conversing with Locke with her graceful arms haughtily folded over her chest. There was no denying she was beautiful, yet somehow she still paled in comparison to Jude. Jude, the _mortal_. 

His mortal wife, that is.

No one knew of her status, of the deal they had made or of the consecration of their marriage. He had kept the information locked and guarded in the depths of his heart. Regardless if it had been what he truly desired, the move had been a political one. With her exiled and holding the title of queen, it insured the crown couldn't be stolen from him. It insured that she was protected as much as he was. 

Even still, he knew he was lying to himself when he silently insisted it had nothing to do with his having feelings for her. Even as much as he so desperately wanted to, Jude Duarte was a weakness that he couldn't seem to deny anymore. His sleepless nights and empty bed could attest to that. 

"Cardan." His eyes flickered up, slightly startled as he brought his focus up to Nicasia. She had crossed the room without him realizing it, and was now standing in front of him with ice blue eyes narrowed.

He couldn't hold back the contempt in his sneer. "I prefer to be addressed by my title."

Her body visibly tensed, her elegant hands curling into fists as he leaned back, crossing his legs and lazily gesturing for her to continue. "High King," she ground out, as if it physically pained her to admit she was inferior in status, "I request time for us to speak alone. My mother would like me to relay information regarding your imminent marriage." It took all of his pitifully low amount of self control to keep from jeering at her.

_I already have a wife. Fuck off._

Instead, he twirled his thumb around his stacked rings in thought, turning his attention to the bare finger where a ruby formerly sat. His free hand lifted to brush against the edge of his crown, a charade of an absentminded movement, but purposefully arrogant. "Many have been pursuing my courtship and I have turned them down, what makes you think you are special, my dear Nicasia?" She reddened, making a smirk curl at the corner of his mouth.

"Maybe because I have the Queen of the Undersea behind me," she bit out, though it obviously wasn't the answer that had sprung to her mind first. She had wanted him to want _her_. 

He fell into quiet contemplation for a brief moment. As much as it amused him to antagonize her, the question at hand was much more complex than throwing insults back and forth. His stare instinctively flickered to the right, where his seneschal had once stood by his side day in and day out. Jude would have known what to do. 

Her absence had quickly made him realize with increasing urgency that he had no idea how to run a kingdom by himself. He was standing on shaky ground as it was, finally making an alliance through Nicasia would have been the smartest decision.

And yet, he couldn't make himself accept. The idea repulsed him so intensely it was mildly unnerving. 

"I am currently considering my options," he settled on a rather ambiguous response, a political one, really. Neither confirming or rejecting. But it wouldn't suffice for long, and they both knew it.

Nicasia's scathing stare raked over him once, twice, before she nodded stiffly, twirling on her heels and promptly stalking away. His crown tipped slightly askew as he leaned his head back against his throne. The tedious game of politics was going to drive him mad, if it hadn't already. 

"High King, there's been reports that Orlagh is starting to get impatient," the Roach appeared silently from behind him, the report low and hushed. Cardan's eyes follow Nicasia's path until she disappeared into the frenzied crowd of drunken dancers.

"So it appears," he sighed, pressed two fingers to his temple. A headache was quickly beginning to throb there, an insistent and irritating ache.

"The council is displeased with your indecision," the Roach continued impassively, doing well not to hint at his own feelings on the subject.

"Tell the council the High King says to kiss my ass," Cardan grumbled, sinking further into his seat. The Roach nodded before retreating back into the shadows, though Cardan could have sworn he caught the soft sound of his laugh. 

He lifted his hand, summoning an attendant to his side in a few brief seconds.

"High King?" the boy promptly asked, his voice high pitched and breathless.

"Get me the best wine you can find, and some nevermore while you're at it," he ordered before he could think better of it. He hadn't been sober for a night in weeks, months even, why stop now? The thought made a miserable chuckle form on his lips. He didn't hesitate as a goblet appeared in his hand, downing the contents as easily as if it were water before swiping a generous amount of gold over his lower lip. This was the only way to dull the pain, to forget the sharp knife of agony pressed between his ribs and lodged into his heart. 

There was only one thing that could really stop this hurt, but he knew painfully well that the only solution was one that he couldn't have, getting back the woman he could very well possibly never see again.

***

Jude's P.O.V

"Get pop tarts for Oak, he likes those for breakfast," Vivi murmured as she looked over the different types of bread with entirely too intense contemplation. My feet dragged just slightly as I walked down the aisle, swiping a box of strawberry flavored ones before tossing it into the cart. 

True to my drunken word, over the past week or so I had made an effort to least act as if I was adjusting to mortal life. Grocery runs, coming along in the morning to take Oak to school, afternoon walks through the park, I had endured it all. And when I wasn't moping, I had to admit it wasn't the worst thing in the world not to have to worry about everything I ate killing me or possibly being stabbed in the back at every turn. It was normal, comfortable, but still agonizing in its monotony. Like the taste of Faerie fruit, living in Elfhame had left me addicted, always wanting more.

But maybe that was the key. No matter how much I tried to fit in, no matter how much power I wielded, maybe it would never be enough.

The thought was haunting, I shivered as I pushed the cart through the aisles, trailing behind Vivi's long, confident strides. "Do you want any candy, Jude? You could use some sweetness to balance out your bitter disposition," she smirked slightly, making an overdramatic, sweeping gesture to the wide array of brightly colored packages spilling over on the shelves.

"Coming from the household cynic, thats rich," I rolled my eyes, though not before snatching a package of hard caramels and tossing it in. It was one of the only crystal clear memories I had from before Madoc stole us away, eating hard caramels with Vivi and Taryn and sticking out out tongues to see who's would melt away the fastest. 

The thought of Taryn made my jaw clench. Every single one of my memories with her were tainted now. Hollow, bitter, stained black with betrayal. 

What was she doing now in Elfhame? My hands clenched, fingernails crushing into my palms. Probably celebrating her and Madoc's successes, spending nights with Locke. It was likely I didn't even pass through her mind anymore.

I hadn't realized that Vivi had moved on to the next aisle and an unfamiliar face was standing in front of me until the person waved his hand in front of my face, letting out a nervous laugh.

"Oh, sorry," I cleared my throat, blinking several times to bring myself back to reality. He flashed me a slightly lopsided smile, dirty blonde curls falling into his eyes as he shifted nervously on his feet.

"No its fine, um, I just wanted to tell you that you're really pretty," he laughed again, cheeks flushing slightly. My mouth parted as surprise tingled at my fingertips before it snapped shut just as quickly. 

_Come on Jude, you're gaping like an idiot. Say something you dumb ass._

"Well, thanks, I guess," I stiffly replied. 

He blinked, his cheeks reddening even further at my dry response. "Ah, sorry, I usually don't do things like this but, you know, I just, wanted you to know," he ran his fingers through his hair nervously. 

My wariness melted away slightly at his hopeful smile. I guess this was what flirting was like between normal, mortal people. 

"Yeah, I get what you mean," I flashed him a commiserating grimace, hesitantly meeting his hazel eyes. "Don't flirt much?" he asked with a hint of playfulness. "Oh, so thats what this is," I raised a brow with just as much teasing to my voice. He blushed harder. 

For some reason, it made something inside me warm with an unfamiliar feeling. Happiness? Comfort? It was bittersweet, and brought me back to painful reality with a violent jolt.

"I don't want to lead you on, I just got out of a... complicated relationship," I almost physically cringed with the words, "You seem nice, but it's just really not a good time for me."

He wilted slightly, his eyes falling to the floor in thinly veiled disappointment. "Oh well, okay. Thanks for the conversation then, it was fun while it lasted." He stuffed his hands into his pockets, flashing me one last crooked grin. I silently watched him trudge away, my body frozen as I stared after him.

For this first time since being humiliated and exiled, I actually felt.. good? Maybe 'not miserable' was a better way to describe it. But still, it felt like a glimmer of hope. That maybe, just maybe, I could fit in, I could have a life in this world. 

"Jude, come on lets get going, we have to pick Oak up from school," Vivi peeked her head back into the aisle from the next row over, completely oblivious to what had just transpired. I curled my lip in projected irritation. "I'm coming." She shook her head slightly, rolling her eyes and disappearing back down the next aisle over. 

As I followed her, I couldn't help but smile. 

***

Cardan's P.O.V

"I'm going to go see her, and you can't stop me," Cardan slurred, attempting to push past the two individuals, again to no avail. The Roach and the Bomb shared a look that was mildly infuriating as they continued to block his bedroom door, making Cardan scowl in response. "I'm the High King, and I order you to move," he growled, the menace behind his words slightly diminished as he swayed heavily on his feet, almost stumbling before steadying himself with a hand against the side of his desk. His fingers tracked thick gold across the wood, the bright color catching his attention for a brief moment before he forced himself to focus again.

"With all due respect, your highness, you are intoxicated and not in your right mind to make this kind of decision," the Bomb firmly spoke, crossing her arms and planting her feet.

"I don't care, I want to see Jude, I miss her," Cardan insisted, his head spinning. His thoughts were a mess, blurred and muffled, but one of them managed to stand out with stark clarity. 

He didn't care about plans or strategy or politics any more. He wanted Jude back. 

And he was going to go get her.

"Cardan, do you realize you might not like what you find when you go to see her?" the Roach raised a brow, the question plain but not unkind. Even so, it left him reeling with a wave of pain and hurt, so strong it almost brought him to his knees.

"She wouldn't move on so fast, she-" The words died on his lips, his breath hitching as if he had physically choked on them. The thought of her happy, without him? Not that she had been necessarily happy _with_ him, but... 

"It's been a month, and you betrayed her," the Bomb softly reminded him. 

His heart ached for a fresh bottle of wine, to drown the horrible feeling currently hollowing out his chest. "I'm tired," he sighed, eyes fluttering shut for a moment. Both mentally and physically, with equal parts exhaustion and misery. He ached for the familiar feeling of Jude shoving him rather roughly under the sheets, a typical occurrence back when he was under her control and she was still his seneschal watching over his every drunk and reckless action.

"How about you go to bed and I'll teach you another magic trick in the morning," the Roach offered, stepping forward and cautiously placing a hand on Cardan's shoulder. Cardan smacked his lips, running his tongue around in his entirely too dry mouth.

"Fine," he relented rather reluctantly, limply allowing himself to be promptly dragged back toward his grand bed. Despite its luxury, it still looked less than inviting without Jude in it. The mental image of her sprawled out on his sheets was ingrained into his vision with permanent clarity. 

He fell onto the bed, world still spinning in a dizzying haze as he buried his face into the soft mound of a silken pillow. Dimly, he recognized the sound of murmurs of relief between the Roach and the Bomb before they walked out with nearly silent steps. 

His eyes snapped back open almost immediately. 

He was going to get Jude back, and no one was going to stop him.

***

Jude's P.O.V

"I'm going with Oak to a playdate, do you want to come?" Vivi asked, letting out an annoyed huff as Oak bounced on her arm, repeatedly yanking on her sleeve.

"I think I'll let you endure that hyperactive ball on your own," I eyed him pointedly with a soft laugh, to which Oak stuck his tongue out in response.

"Rude Jude, Rude Jude," he chanted obnoxiously, making me roll my eyes.

"I'm sorry Oak, you're the picture of sophistication, pardon me." I smirked as he paused, most likely trying to figure out if I was being sarcastic or not.

"I accept your apology," he sniffed, turning his nose up just slightly in an adorable parody of regalness.

I stifled my snicker, instead pressing my lips together in a smile as I nodded.

"It seems stupid Fae politics followed us here after all," Vivi rolled her eyes, snatching up Oak's restless hand and pulling him into her side.

"Hey, he answers to me, I'm the queen, remember?" I sarcastically spoke, ignoring the twinge of hurt that the words brought me.  

"Whatever, Queen Jude, King Oak, I don't care, you're in my world," she raised a brow, "We'll be back tonight, okay?" I waved my hand in a lazy gesture of understanding and dismissal, sinking down into the couch and letting my attention be captured back up by the tv as they promptly exited, the door slamming definitively behind them. 

Another mindless game show was on, though for some reason they didn't seem to irritate me nearly as much any more. Weren't we all just waiting to get our lucky break in life? 

My thoughts wandered to Dain, to my induction into the life of a spy. To driving a knife into my hand. To killing for the first time. To having control over Cardan. To becoming the Queen of Elfame, only to have it all ripped away from me merely hours later.

I had thought that Dain noticing me had been my lucky break. A far cry from conventional, to say the least. 

My teeth found my lower lip, slicing into it as I bit down hard. 

Did I even want any of that any more? However surprisingly, I had found some sort of semblance of happiness here. There was still a gaping, jagged hole torn from my soul at what I had lost, but maybe it wasn't so ridiculous to think that it could heal one day, at least with time. It had been a little over a month, maybe in a year I would have rebuilt myself already and found some new goal to pursue just as relentlessly. 

A sharp, insistent knock broke me away from my thoughts. 

I groaned softly as I forced myself from the comforts of the couch, running a hand through my hair as I trudged to the front door. Another loud knock that made me scowl in annoyance. 

"Chill out, it's been three seconds," I groused, unlocking the door with a soft snick and swinging it open.

The figure on the steps look wildly out of place, gilded crown of gold and jewels crooked and falling to one side of his brow, ruffled, silken dress shirt unbuttoned all the way down his chest. I couldn't stop my mouth from falling open as I met his coal black eyes.

"Hello wife," Cardan grinned.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as always, feel free to leave any comments/constructive criticism/praise/kudos, its why I love to write and share my stuff with you all! :)


	4. toppling kings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> originally this was just going to be part one of the next chapter, but by my tumblr poll and in the interest of giving you guys more content before finals hit i decided to post this part early. 
> 
> enjoy! <3

Jude's P.O.V

My kitchen knife was snatched from its strap against my thigh and thrusted against the hollow of his neck in less than a second, a snarl forming on my lips as I fisted the fabric of his shirt, yanking him inside and slamming the door shut. He stared down at me with infuriating calm, traces of gold flecked across his rosy lips and his pupils wide and wanting. I was shaking with anger, the blade of the knife digging hard into the soft flesh just underneath his jaw, practically seeing red as a wicked smirk slowly crawled up the side of his mouth.

"Well isn't this nostalgic."

The snarl that let my mouth was animalistic, every word clipped as my teeth bit over each syllable.

"What. Are. You. Doing. Here."

He let out a drunken chuckle, though it seemed the glazed look had dissipated slightly at my words. "I wanted to see my wife. Is that not allowed?"

A response dripping in mocking. He was mocking me.

I increased the pressure of the blade to his neck, making him start to squirm in discomfort as it bit at his skin with wicked hunger. Power flooded over me in a rush, my anger cooling into something cold, hard, _deadly_. He struggled as the steel began to crush against his windpipe, restricting his air flow.

"I would kill you right now," I regarded him, the sound of my own emotionless voice a million miles away. He let out a strained wheeze, slender fingers helplessly gliding over the edge of the blade. Our eyes met, the disoriented fear staring back at me wildly satisfying.

My knuckles whitened as I gripped the handle harder before, slowly, I withdrew the knife from his neck, though it remained angled upward and hovering at the ready. A thin, etched line of red was drawn across his windpipe like a swipe of scratched ink.

"Not my worst welcome." He breathlessly laughed, as if incredulous at what had just happened.

My glare heated back to murderous.

"How dare you."

His eyes widened slightly, lips parting.

"No," I cut him off with a snarl, " _How dare you_. How dare you show your fucking face here after what you did. I-I should kill you." My fingers twitched with the impulsive urge, fingernails sinking into my palm to restrain myself. His expression sobered, though his pupils remained blown wide with the effects of intoxication.

"Then do it."

The jolt of shock that travelled through my body at his response was infuriatingly obvious. His fingers reached out, curling around my hand gripping the knife. Every part of me froze as slowly, he lowered himself onto his knees in front of me, guiding the blade so its point hovered directly over his heart. The feeling of his skin against mine, the sight of him crouched in submission, sent a hurtling wave of emotions crashing over me, my breath catching for a brief moment.

He looked up at me from his lowered position, gaze wild in its abandon. "Kill me, Jude. End my life right here, with me kneeling before you. Paint the carpet with my blood. I welcome death at your hand."

My hand wavered, clasped tightly in his. A painful hook, one that I had thought I had finally managed to dislodge, had sunk itself right back in my heart, tugging viscously and leaving me breathless. Weak.

"Jude," he murmured, my name a soft caress. The wild anger surged again. He didn't think I would do it. He was baiting me.

"Shut up." I growled. My hand ripped from his. "Shut up, _shut up_ , I fucking hate you, I-"

My words were swallowed by my own strangled scream of frustration as I grasped his shirt, yanking him to his feet and shoving him backwards. He stumbled heavily as I advanced on him, teeth bared. Fear, real, tangible fear flashed in his eyes as he retreated.

"Jude, listen," he breathed, words dipped in caution.

"No, no 'Jude listen'," I hissed, my skin crackling with heat, "You manipulated me, you lied to me, you humiliated me, you took everything away from me and cast me out into exile. You disgust me and never seeing your face again still would have been too soon. And you have the audacity to waltz back in here expecting a warm fucking welcome?" My knife arced through the air, hissing with speed as he narrowly dodged it. My opposite hand quickly snapped forward, making hard contact with the side of his ribcage and sending him hurtling back another few steps. He gasped, barely escaping my next blow as I swung an elbow at his face.

"Fight back, fight me, _King of Elfame_ , surely you can best a lowly mortal," I spat with seething venom, sarcasm dripping from his title.

"Jude," he protested, hands laden with expensive rings lifting in front of his chest in tentative surrender.

I didn't care, my vision blotched with hot, red anger. My foot slammed into his stomach, making him collapse to his knees as he let out a groan of pain.

It seemed for a moment he might try to get up. But promptly, breaths heaving in his chest, he slumped down onto his back, splayed out helplessly before me on the weathered living room carpet.

"I'm not going to fight you, Jude," he panted, clutching his side protectively with a mild grimace of discomfort. My boot lifted, pressing down on his right wrist and pinning it to the floor next to his head. He stared up at me apprehensively as I stood over him, his coal black eyes glittering with something indiscernible.

"You're pathetic," I spat, "Nothing to say for yourself. A pitiful, useless coward. Deceitful, arrogant, spineless." My inhale was ragged at I searched for more insults to hurl. A soft gasp escaped me as, quite surprisingly, my knee buckled under the sudden pressure of his free hand purposefully jabbing against the back of my leg, my body collapsing on top of him, the knife I held only inches from grazing his face as I stopped my momentum short.

The air between us stilled.

We stared at each other silently for an achingly long moment, chests heaving, hearts twisting. I gripped harder at the pitiful blade I wielded to still the tremble of my hands. Slowly, cautiously, he reached up, fingers winding through my hair, stroking gently over the back of my neck.

"I hate you." The string of words tore from my throat, dangerously close to a sob.

"I know," he affirmed miserably, pulling my mouth down on his.

Our lips were desperate, wild, devouring each other with a thousand emotions neither of us could speak aloud. My body arched into his, softening against the curve of his torso as the knife clattered to the ground from my hand before my fingers threaded through his silky black hair, toppling the crown from his brow. His hand burned hot at my waist, sparking a flash of unwanted memories at the feeling of us tangled together for the first time, heat and pleasure and desire. My teeth bit down on his lower lip, relishing the sound of his soft hiss.

"Jude." Almost a plea.

The kiss grew harder, my hand sliding across the planes of his hard torso, fingernails curling against his skin.

"Cardan," I finally exhaled against his lips, the feeling of his name in my mouth bitterly unfamiliar after refusing to utter it aloud for so long. The bitterness was so much so it made me stiffen, pulling away with a sudden jerk as my hazy thoughts cleared to rationality.

"You're still drunk." My voice was frighteningly emotionless despite my flushed cheeks and swollen lips.

"I don't care," he mumbled, eyes glassy. He reached out, gently tracing a slender finger along the edge of my cheekbone. Against my will, a shiver slid down my spine. It was startling how much I had missed him, how much I had denied the emotion within myself so that it would be easier to hate him. His absence had torn a jagged, ugly hole in my existence that rivaled the one Faerie had left.

But that didn't change anything. It didn't change what he had done to me.

"You can sleep on the couch. I will consider having a discussion with you in the morning." My words were firm, outwardly confident. At odds with the wild storm of uncertainty clawing its way through my body, eager for my seemingly inevitable destruction. His lips turned into a look of thinly veiled misery as I drew away from him, standing up and brushing myself off. Resisting the urge to offer him a hand, I turned, pausing to gesture pointedly to the couch.

My words were sharp. "Go to bed, Cardan."

He didn't respond, and I didn't wait for him to, pain throbbing in my chest as I stalked up the stairs, leaving him splayed out on the carpet and staring up at the ceiling in silently miserable despair.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as always, feel free to leave any comments/constructive criticism/praise/kudos, its why I love to write and share my stuff with you all! :)


	5. the mortal experience

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> its late and I hate another paper to write but here it is! hope you guys enjoy, theres probably two ish more chapters?? I dont know we'll see my friends
> 
> also I just combined a bunch of my shit posts into this chapter because cardan in the mortal world is just too damn good
> 
> enjoy <3

Jude's P.O.V

"Jude- holy hell, what the fuck?"

The sound of Vivi's voice shot me out of my unconscious state with a jolt, my eyes flying open to see her standing at the door to my room, mouth agape. "What?" I groused, my voice still hoarse from sleep as I propped myself up on my elbows, rubbing a hand over my eyes with a lazy swipe of fingers. She remained silent, stare wide and unblinking as slowly, she motioned to the spot next to me on the bed.

It was then I became acutely aware of a warm body wound around mine, arm slung over my waist and neck buried into my side. My eyes flickered down to the shock of raven black hair, a flash of memories quickly flooding back in an exhausting wave. A guttural noise of distaste fell from my lips.

"I told him to fucking sleep on the couch," I muttered, the comment more for myself or Vivi's benefit I didn't know. With a roughly placed hand, I shoved him off of me, making him moan softly in his sleep as he turned over onto his side, face burying into the mountain of pillows.

At least he had had the decency to keep his clothes on while we slept. Naked Cardan would have made for a far more difficult explanation.

I tossed the comforter from my body, sliding off of the bed and slowly making my way over to Vivi's side with reluctant, trudged steps. She arched a brow pointedly.

"He showed up here drunk and alone last night," I grunted, my eyes narrowing as I glanced back over to him. He was splayed out now in typically royal fashion, lips parted slightly and head tilted to the side.

"That's unexpected," Vivi commented mildly, her chin resting in her hand as she evaluated him. A moment of silence lingered. "You're not going to kill him, are you," she sighed with an air of despondence, as if resigned to having to accept that I might say yes.

My thoughts flickered to the events of the previous night, the press of my blade cutting into his throat. "No." My jaw set. "But he's going to wish he was dead."

She tilted her head to the side at that, contemplating as her smile grew. "Sounds appropriate. Just make sure you keep the screaming to a minimum, I don't want Oak getting any ideas about murder yet." I laughed lightly, sending an ache through my chest at the vibration. It felt so good to laugh, and I did so little of it since being exiled. My teeth grazed over my lower lip as she touched my shoulder lightly in a silent gesture of support before turning and walking back down the hallway.

Reluctantly, I let my eyes slowly travel back to Cardan. Somehow he was still fast asleep, not disturbed in the slightest by my movement or my conversation with Vivi.

He slept how a prince slept.

The thought left a tang of bitterness on my tongue, turning my lips. Briskly, I crossed the room with tight steps, making my way to the side of the bed and roughly shaking his shoulder. He mumbled something indiscernible, half rolling over and pawing at my arm. "Get up, now," I ordered, shoving his hand away and tearing the covers from his body. He whimpered in soft protest. His gaudy shirt had somehow fully unbuttoned during the night, the silky material hanging off of one shoulder and leaving the whole of his pale, muscular torso exposed. My mouth went dry. 

Damn him.

"Cardan, you have two seconds before I throw you onto the floor," I sharply spoke. That seemed to grab his attention, his eyes cracking open a sliver.

"Good morning to you too," he grumbled, sullen and still slightly deluded from sleep.

"Yeah, good morning to you sleeping in my fucking bed," I snapped, my arms folding tightly over my chest, "I told you to sleep on the couch. Invade my privacy again and you'll be missing a finger or two when you wake up." His dark lashes finally fully fluttered open, focusing on me as his lips curved upwards just slightly.

"I seem to remember you invading my privacy once before. And before we were married, even, shame on you."

A twinge of unpleasantness turned in my mouth at the memory. The same night he had asked me to be his wife. The night before everything I had built for myself came crashing down in spectacular fashion.

"You're seemingly forgetting that I was considering slitting your throat last night, don't think that that option is off the table yet," I narrowed my eyes, jaw clenching. His smirk faded quickly back to a grim line in response, though he remained silent. Turning on my heels, I strode over to my closet, an invisible hand curling around my heart and squeezing painfully as I pulled out a cardboard box. Old clothes that once belonged my mother and father, other bits and pieces of their possessions and our old life before Faerie were stuffed clumsily inside, full to the brim. I had shoved it away to the back of my closet in the bitter hope that the saying 'out of sight, out of mind' was true, though so far it had proven to be wrong. I pulled out a plain black t-shirt with some mortal band logo and black jeans, the material bunching in my grip for a brief moment as I stared down at it.

A tight exhale.

Balling the clothing up, I promptly threw the outfit at him, hitting him square in the chest with the bundle of material. His lip curled just slightly in distaste as he eyed the plain mortal clothes. "Get up and get dressed." The bite to my words was venomous, yet still didn't seem nearly enough to convey the mess of hate and loathing and anger still brewing at the back of my throat. I raised a brow when he made no move to comply, the charcoal lining his eyes smudged in dark circles, contributing to the slightly haunted look gracing his features.

"You have five minutes." My smile was bitterly sweet. "I don't think you'll like the alternative if you're late." 

***

"This wasn't the alternative option?" 

Cardan looked positively revolted at our surroundings, trailing me with little enthusiasm as I strode down the sidewalk. "The alternative option was your heart being carved out of your chest by a butter knife," I hummed, unable to keep the smirk from curling at the corner of my lips as he continued to toss horrified glances at the cars zipping down the street and sullen glowers at every passerby that stared a second too long. Taking Cardan out with me for errands had been a snap decision, but the alternatives all seemed much worse at the time. Now in the presence of his stream of continuous complaints that never seemed to stop, I wasn't so sure.

"What are those?" he finally asked, eying the traffic and the obnoxious noises that came with it.

"Cars," I answered mildly.

"How do they move? Where are the horses? Why are they so loud?" he questioned in rapid succession, sounding especially perplexed along with a touch of distress. He let out an audible sigh of frustration when I ignored him, jogging forward a few steps to walk in line with me, matching my long strides with ease.

"What do you want from me, Jude?" he scowled, "You cannot drag me around your horrible mortal world and not even speak to me."

My steps didn't falter, though my hands curled into tight fists. "I'm the Queen of Elfhame, I can do whatever I want with my husband," I tossed back.

Something like surprise flickered in his eyes, he quickly fell to silence at my unexpected response. Good. 

We strode through the Target parking lot, Cardan matching me step for step as we approached the sliding doors marking the entrance, a tense quiet enveloping us. I paused a few paces shy, making him jerk to a sudden halt. "Don't make a scene or I swear I will gut you in the middle of the store," I warned, pointedly tapping the knife strapped under my pants, the outline of the blade clear even through the relatively thick fabric.

"Now why would I do that, my sweet, darling Jude?" he spoke sarcastically, immediately flinching when I took a purposefully intimidating step towards him.

"Shut up and don't talk, you're giving me a headache," I groused, turning on my heels and promptly entering the building through the sliding doors. A rush of cool air conditioning made goosebumps scatter across my skin, my hand reaching up to glide over my arm in instinctive response. 

"What-what is this magic?" 

A quick glance over my shoulder revealed Cardan hadn't moved, staring at the door with wide, slightly fearful eyes. I would have laughed in any other context. 

The High King of Elfhame, terrified by a set of doors. 

"It's not magic, they can detect movement, now come on, we don't have all day," I sank into one hip, my arms folding over my chest as they began to slide shut again. The space between his brows crinkled slightly in both disapproval and concern as, slowly, he inched forward, steps small and cautious. The movement of the doors stuttered half way through closing, opening up again for him. He stepped across the threshold with a swift, terrified leap, a clear breath of relief escaping his chest as he made it through, shoulders slumping. "You're alive, congratulations," I rolled my eyes, snatching a basket from the stack by the entrance and quickly making my way towards the aisles of food.

"So what is this mortal store called? They have names, do they not?" he matched my strides with leisure, the question hinting both at disdain and the slightest measure of curiosity.

My brow furrowed. "Target." Cool air washed over my skin as we made our way down the produce aisle, brightly colored fruit spilling from every row and display, begging to be picked.

"Target? Like a target to kill?" he frowned in unease, an instinctive glance over his shoulder quickly following.

I snorted as I picked up a bundle of ripe bananas, placing them carefully in the basket dangling from my other hand. "No, Cardan, it's just a name. If I was going to have you shot I would be less obvious about it." He huffed in response, grabbing for an apple from the top of the mountain of fruit, promptly taking a generous bite of it. "Cardan, that's really not allowed," I spoke through gritted teeth, jaw clenched as he wiped the juice from his now glistening lips. The sight made my breath hitch in my chest, stuttering on instinct.

"A king can do what he wants," he lofted with an overly haughty air, proceeding to take another pointed bite.

"You're insufferable," I grumbled, steps smacking against the linoleum flooring as I turned on my heels and stalked down the rest of the row with clenched fists.

Even with him plucking at my last nerve with maddening precision, I wanted to shove him up against the wall and have my way with him. Maybe his idiocy was starting to rub off on me.

A storm cloud of brooding might as well have been thundering over my head as I wound up and down the aisles, snatching various foods we needed and throwing them into my basket with barely restrained aggression. Cardan, quite intelligently, chose to remain silent as he trailed me throughout the store.

That is, until we reached the row entirely dedicated to alcohol. 

His charcoal black eyes immediately lit up, a smile beaming on his lips as he greedily drunk in the sight of bottles upon bottles of liquor stacked together. "Now this is more like it," he grinned, proceeding to begin to grab several of them without hesitation. The smirk that gradually worked its way up my lips as I regarded him almost immediately made him still, eyes narrowing in suspicion. "What?"

My shoulders lifted in a mockingly innocent shrug. "Nothing. Besides the fact that you're too young to buy alcohol here. Sobriety is not going to look good on you, I can tell you that." The expression that flashed across his elegant features could only be described as one of horror.

"We can't get drunk?"

I shook my head, humming in smug delight as satisfaction coursed through my veins. "This is outrageous, I am a King and I will do what I want, no mortal is going to keep me from drinking," he glowered in a childlike manner, seemingly dangerously close to stomping his foot in indignation.

"Unless you want to be put in jail, which I wouldn't be at all opposed to seeing as then you'd be someone else's problem," I shrugged with an air of nonchalance.

His mouth twisted. "You have got to be joking, Jude. Please tell me you are utilizing your mortal aptitude for lying." 

My head canted, my smirk deepening. "No, Cardan. What a shame, isn't it? Now let's go, I have everything I need." His shoulders slumped in sullen defeat, stacking the bottles back onto the shelf in slow, unenthusiastic succession. 

My mind wandered in an attempt to tune out his grumbling as he trudged behind me, my lips turning in bare amusement. The thought of Cardan living in the mortal world was mildly hysterical. His mannerisms, the way he talked, the way he dressed, all starkly differentiated him from any normal human being. Whether he was wearing a crown or not, Cardan Greenbriar had an air of royalty that clung to him wherever he went. He would fit in about as well as I did. Or rather didn't. 

"Jude. Jude. Jude."

The sharp tug on the sleeve of my shirt brought me back to reality with a series of blinks in rapid succession. Cardan's fingers lingered at my arm, tethering me in place as he gazed up at the make up display in pure awe. Eyeliner and mascara were stocked full on the shelves, the model in the picture adorned with a blend of green and blue sparkly eyeliner framed by dark lashes. "Look at the all the eyeliner Jude," he breathed.

"Do we really have to stop for everything that catches your eye, Cardan?" I bit out poisonously despite the warm amusement flickering in my chest at the sight of him so excited.

"But..." he trailed off, wide eyes looking back and forth from me to the display almost pleadingly. A sharp breath of frustration emptied from my lungs. I was supposed to be furious with him, not having my heart melt at the sight of him giving me puppy eyes. 

Well, if I was going to kill him later, he might as well look beautiful while I was doing it.

"Fine. Pick one." My tone was coldly firm, making me proud at my level of control at not hinting at my true emotions. 

His reaction was almost childlike as he clapped his hands together, releasing my arm in favor of perusing through the available selections. 

One soon become a half dozen as he swiped every single color on the shelf, including one that was pure glitter. The smile he flashed me as our eyes met, his arms full of products, was dazzlingly charming. 

"Do you know how expensive this stuff costs?" I raised a brow.

He rolled his eyes. "I'll pay you back in gold."

I didn't put much thought into responding to the fact that he would have to go back to Faerie to repay me, instead giving in with a soft grumble of dissent as he emptied the contents in his arms into the basket. "Now we're leaving. Nothing else," I scowled, making for the checkout line without a second glance his way.

Staying mad at Cardan Greenbriar was proving to be more difficult than I had thought.

***

The whole afternoon had passed without me being able to find the words to confront him. Ironically between the two of us, I was certainly the more cowardly. He had slumped onto the couch when we had gotten home, enduring me ignoring him in unusual silence. Then Vivi and Oak had come home, and promptly the silence became filled with Oak and Cardan's brotherly bonding, Oak quickly beginning to refer to him as Uncle Cardan.

I currently stood behind the kitchen counter, my eyes narrowed and my stare brooding as I watched them play games together on the coffee table. Vivi hovered next to me, a bemused look on her lips. "They seem to be getting along just fine, how about you?" she questioned mildly, her index finger pressed to her mouth.

My words were an almost unintelligible grumble. "He's the worst." She hummed in something like agreement, though didn't offer any verbal response as we both continued to stare in silence.

"Do you have any sixes?" Oak cheesed a wide, gap toothed grin at Cardan from behind his hand of cards. Cardan narrowed his eyes in playful suspicion as he promptly plucked a card from his stack, offering it to Oak between two fingertips.

"You must be cheating, it is impossible to be this good."

Oak giggled in response, shaking his head, "No, I'm just really good, Uncle Cardan." 

My eyes tore away from them to try and subdue the sliver of warmth growing in my chest. "He comes in here and acts as if everything is all fucking okay, the nerve of his conceited ass." Vivi chuckled as I turned away, grumpily making my way over the the fridge and opening it for the sole purpose of finding the most unhealthy item of food inside. "I'm going to stab him in his sleep," I tossed over my shoulder, snatching a tub of ice cream and subsequently slamming the freezer door shut with a loud rattle.

"How about talking things out before getting all stabby?" Vivi asked, leaning against the counter and folding her arms over her chest, head tilting slightly.

"Why, so he can lie and manipulate me some more?" I snarked, snatching a spoon from the silverware drawer before digging into the untouched container of cookie dough ice cream. A quick flicker of eyes back to the living room found that Oak and Cardan's game had since been abandoned, cards scattered across the table as Oak sat atop the glass painting sparkly eyeliner onto Cardan's pale lids. 

"Stop looking at Oak like you want to murder him for liking Cardan," Vivi laughed, tossing her head back with the sound.

I grumbled. "Why is he on his side, Cardan hasn't walked him to school or bought him groceries."

She evaluated me for a brief moment with glittering cat eyes. "There's no sides, Jude, there's just what you want," she toned evenly, "What happened to the Jude that wasn't afraid to go out and take what she wanted?"

My teeth found my lower lip, digging in hard.

_What happened?_

_Cardan happened to her_. 

"You know what? We're going to give you two some much needed alone time," Vivi decided promptly with a wide, wicked grin.

My breath caught. "No, Vivi, don't you dare," I warned, panic creeping into my voice that was pointless to try and hide.

"Oak, let's go to the park, Cardan and Jude need some adult time!" Vivi called over her shoulder, her smirk impossible to miss as she quickly sped from the kitchen with my arm held tight in her grasp, dragging me out before subsequently grabbing Oak's coat and tossing it at him. Oak pouted, brows crinkling together in displease.

"But I'm putting sparkles on Uncle Cardan," he protested, words muffled by his bottom lip jutting out.

"You can do that later, right now we're going to the park," Vivi sternly responded, prompting him to sullenly toss down the eyeliner pen, rising from the table and trudging to her side. Against my own will, me and Cardan's eyes locked, everything else seemingly fading away to soft and muted, the only thing in crisp focus being him and the way he was looking at me.

Hunger. Exhaustion. Yearning. A painful mirror of myself. 

At the sound of the front door slamming shut, my heart immediately leapt into my throat, pulse racing and breaths shallow. "Are you going to talk to me? Jude?" Cardan questioned, words dull and tired with defeat. Gradually, my stare focused on him, lounging on our worn leather couch like a throne, sparkly eyeliner and beaten black band t-shirt somehow only enhancing his beauty.

"I don't have anything to say to you, Cardan," I returned a touch too breathlessly.

His eyes hardened, a spiteful glint to them that was hauntingly familiar to the countless times that he had tormented me. It felt as if I was frozen in place, feet rooted to the floor underneath me as he stood up, walking around the couch so he was standing mere inches from my body. 

"So you're going to stay here forever then, where you're nothing." 

The string of words was as harsh as the crack of a hand across my face, leaving me reeling. 

"Better here than with you," I spat in bitter retaliation, an instinctive reflex. 

He was so close I could feel his breath on my cheek, sending a trill of fear slithering down my spine. "You're going to stay here because of your stubbornness, just to spite me? Just to deny that you care about me, or at least that you did once? You don't belong here, Jude. Both of us know it."

There was no way I could win. The realization was infuriatingly staggering. 

"Where do I belong then? Tell me, King of Elfhame, if you are so all knowing and powerful," I snarled, lips curling.

He didn't hesitate. "You belong with me."

My breath hitched, surprising anger surging through my veins like wildfire.

"And why is that, Cardan? Tell me why I belong with you, you pathetic coward."

He caught my wrists, cutting off the shoving movement I was halfway through attempting. His slender fingertips scraped into my skin, his words twisted and raw.

"Because I love you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as always, feel free to leave any comments/constructive criticism/praise/kudos, its why I love to write and share my stuff with you all! :)


	6. telling lies

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this is short, especially for the wait time, but for some reason sometimes its like pulling teeth to get myself to write smut. BUT I think it turned out pretty good if I do say so myself so enjoy!! and school ends in two weeks so im going to (try to) write like crazy and get this fic finished up considering queen of nothing is coming out sooner than expected! 
> 
> as always, enjoy <3

_"And why is that, Cardan? Tell me why I belong with you, you pathetic coward."_

_He caught my wrists, cutting off the shoving movement I was halfway through attempting. His fingers scraped into my skin, his words twisted and raw._

_"Because I love you."_

\--

My breath was strangled, my wrists immediately ripping from his grasp as I stumbled backwards, blood roaring in my ears as my heart slammed wildly with fear. "No, you don't mean that, you're lying," I managed to get out, hands trembling and skin clammy with cold, cloying sweat. He shook his head slightly, the defeated slump of his shoulders only adding to the hazy sense of panic grasping at my throat. 

"I mean it, Jude, there is no manipulation. I love you." 

His coal black eyes remained the only thing I saw with crystal clarity as the world blurred out of focus.

He loved me. He _loved_ me. Cardan Greenbriar, the King of Elfhame, loved _me_ , the queen of nothing.

"Why did you do it then." The words tore from my throat in something dangerously close to a sob, dripping with bitter accusation and a pain that was raw and stinging as I continued, a stream of suppressed thoughts spilling over in a hot wave of emotion. "I trusted you Cardan, I trusted you with... with _everything_. And you made a fool of me, you laughed at me. You might as well have spat on me for all to see and drowned me in the water right there at your feet. You took everything from me, how could I love you after that?"

He remained silent, gaze simmering with clear hurt, hands clenching and unclenching at his sides.

"Why did you do it?" The question had intensified on my lips, every syllable swarming with agony. He hesitated for a brief moment, allowing my thoughts to spin out of control in the span of a blink, competing whispers drowning out any sensibility I had left.

"It was to protect the crown," he spoke with an air of caution, words stilted. His index and thumb turned the heavy emerald on his ring finger over and over in tight, anxious circles. "With you as queen and in the mortal world, even if I was killed no one else could claim the throne."

The rush of blood in my ears and the wild flutter of my pulse quieted then, a streak of hurt burying the hilt of its stinging blade between my ribs. "So I was just insurance then, a mortal pawn for you to use," I spoke breathlessly, the emotion thick in my voice infuriating.

Something flickered in his eyes, something almost dangerously dark. My reflexes were just slightly too slow as his hand shot out to clamp around my wrist, nails biting into my skin. "You know that is not what you are to me, Jude," he hissed through clenched teeth, "Don't try and act like everything that happened between us was a lie. It wasn't."

A pained noise, part sob and part scream, fell from my lips as I desperately tried to shove him away. He held me fast, even pulling me closer with reckless abandon considering my knife was still within reach, strapped to the side of my leg. Emotions simmered in a maddeningly confusing haze as I stared up at him, anger and hurt and lust and desire rendering me frozen.

"You betrayed me." My accusation was seething. His eyes glinted with miserable humor.

"And so did you, my darling god. But that hasn't stopped me from loving you, from aching for you every single day we spent apart." My fingers tightened with the urge to grasp at his throat, to stop him from speaking any further and tearing me apart that much more. "Tell me you love me too, Jude," he murmured, fingers still digging roughly into my skin.

I met his gaze with burning ferocity, though my response was soft.

"I hate you." _I love you._

The true meaning behind my words was startlingly clear to both of us, making a shudder wrack through his body. 

Then his mouth was crashing down on mine, immediately lifting me off of my feet and pinning my legs to either side of his lean torso. I met the kiss with equal urgency, lips and tongue and teeth almost primal in their hunger, devouring and overwhelming with need. My fingers tangled roughly through his hair, nails biting viciously into the soft skin at the back of his neck. He let out a soft hiss into my mouth, hips rolling into mine in retaliation. My head was thrown back as a moan formed on my lips before I could stop it. He groaned in response, pressing me closer and closer still.

I was barely aware of the fact that he was moving us up the stairs until he kicked the door of my bedroom open, sliding me onto the sheets before coming to hover on top of me, legs pressed against either side of me. Every single fiber of my being flooded with heat as our gazes connected, a mirror of want and desire and a silent understanding of a connection deeper than I had ever thought was possible.

As much as I wanted to resist, this was right. 

Clothes were torn from our bodies in the span of minutes, preserving the garments a forgotten concern as they fell to tattered pieces around us. His touch roamed my body with both hunger and reverence, fingers ghosting over my curves and leaving heat burning and licking in their wake.

"Cardan." I was breathless, my back arching into him, desperate. His chest heaved with a labored exhale, teeth slicing into my lower lip.

"Say it again," he pleaded, fingertips dragging down the valley of my breasts and my bare stomach, settling between my legs with an agonizing pause.

"Cardan, _please_ ," I whimpered, eyes rolling back as two of his slender fingers entered me in a long stroke of pure and utter pleasure.

Then there was nothing else, just the feeling of his hand working against me, fingers curling and thumb brushing over my clit in determination to pull every last scrap of pleasure he possibly could from my body. I trembled, my hips grinding into his touch as my head tilted back, grip winding through the sheets in an effort to still the tremors of euphoria pulsing through my body in rhythmic waves. He hissed, his mouth colliding against mine once again, sloppy and aggressive, his teeth slicing into my lower lip.

"Jude," he growled in between kisses, eyes alight with fire, " _Mine_." 

Something snapped. 

My nails sunk into his shoulders, my grip vicious as I flipped us over, my teeth baring slightly. "I'm _yours_ , Cardan Greenbriar? Where were you then, all these months, to claim me as such?" The sight of him straddled underneath my hips, lips parted with both shock and submissiveness as he gazed up at me, was enough to send a shock of heat rushing in between my legs.

"I'm here now."

His eyes were lidded, brimming with lust and something like reverence. My fingers skimmed down the planes of his chest, soft skin and hard muscle leaning into my touch, his eyes fluttering closed. Smudged black and glitter streaked across his pale skin, his dark lashes casting long shadows down his cheeks that shifted restlessly under the low lighting.

"You're arrogant." The words were meant to carry bitter acid, yet they fell as soft as rose petals from my tongue. The corner of his lips quirked into a half smirk dripping with sultry. My inhale was painfully sharp, my hips shifting and beginning to work against him as the all consuming need returned a hundredfold from that of before.

"Jude, I need you," he exhaled, grip lifting to come to rest over my waist, fingers digging in roughly. Uncertainty crowded in then, the terrifying unfamiliarity of what we were about to do rushing through me in a shockingly frigid wave. My hesitation was a mere split second before he bit down on his lower lip. 

"I need you, Jude Greenbriar." 

That was more than enough; the sound of my true name on his tongue sent a wildfire of heat through me that spurred my hips forward, guided gently by his hand as my body sunk onto his length, immediately forcing a gasp from my lips at the feeling. I stuttered for a moment, the combination of the overwhelming pleasure and my complete and utter lack of experience leaving me frozen. An uncontrollable whimper of frustration spilled from my mouth, my fingernails sinking into his torso as I braced myself against him.

"Cardan." The hissed plea was the most I would have ever admitted that for once, I needed his help.

His grip shifted, lips parting and features swarming with pleasure as he coaxed me into a movement that had my eyes rolling back immediately, the definition of ecstasy coursing through me in rippling shockwaves. Our bodies immediately melted together in the throes of pleasure, his hand continuing to guide me as our lips collided, the kiss hot and sloppy and disrupted as our moans mixed together in a song of sin. Each stroke had me demanding for more, teeth and nails against skin as we clawed at each other, desperate for more, always _more_. His hand found mine, tugging me further into him, pressing me closer and closer until our bodies were completely flush against one another.

"I missed you so fucking _much_." It was soft, the admission almost lost amidst moans and pants of exertion.

My eyes fluttered open, pulling away slightly as I met his gaze with lidded eyes. "I missed you too, Cardan," I breathed, lips dancing over his as the speed of my thrusts increased under his hand. His mouth descended onto my neck, licking and biting with desperation to mark me, tongue gliding over my burning skin in continuous circles. My fingernails raked through his hair, roughly yanking on the ends as he angled my hips in a way that only intensified each subsequent wave of pleasure.

"I love you Jude," he let out a raspy moan, head tilting back into the pull of my hands, the picture of perfection. The sight was breathtaking, only encouraging me to ride him faster, savoring the way he responded to my every move. Heat was quickly building at the base of my spine, my legs clenching around him as sweat began to cling to my skin, breaths gasping in my throat. His jaw tightened, muscles feathering with something like frustration.

"Jude."

The sound of him moaning my name with so much need, so entirely unhinged, hurtled me to the very edge, heat spiking as body lurched faster, faster, _faster_. His fingers found my clit, working against me and taunting me with my release, so close I was trembling. "Please," he begged, so completely desperate that the words tumbled from my lips in response before I could stop them. 

"I love you, Cardan."

Then I was falling, tipped over the edge into a sea of pleasure, my orgasm hurtling through me with such intensity my vision blurred, moans obscene in their volume spilling over and over from the depths of my being. It was nothing like I had ever felt before, more intense, more alive than I had ever been. The only thing was him, the feeling of his hands grasping at my skin, my name on his lips, the ecstasy shockingly intense as it crackled over my skin as we rode out our high, bodies gradually slowing until we had stilled. Sweat was coated over my skin as my eyes peeled open, sliding off of him before collapsing into his arms, overwhelming exhaustion washing over me almost immediately. He tensed for a brief moment, pulling me closer, as if I could vanish from his arms at any second.

"Jude, we should talk-"

My hand slid into his, fingers winding together despite me cutting him off with sharp words.

"Not now, Cardan. Just lay with me for tonight." 

His breath hitched, as if the words had physically struck him. Even so, he gave in, grazing a kiss over my forehead before relaxing into my embrace. 

"I love you Jude."

My hesitation was only slight this time.

"I love you too, Cardan." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as always with my work, feel free to leave any comments/constructive criticism/praise/kudos, its why I love to write and share my stuff with you all! :)


	7. the end of false truths

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im so so sorry for the wait my loves, but here it is, the last chapter!!
> 
> if queen of nothing weren't coming out so soon I would want to write my own version of how everything with Taryn and madoc and orlagh would play out but theres not enough time for that so I thought this was a good conclusion to this fic :)
> 
> enjoy! <3

Cardan's P.O.V

He watched his wife sleep with troubled eyes, thumb rubbing in gentle circles against the back of her hand as his remained clasped within her grip. The silken curves of her body tangled through his with reckless abandon, her tightly held suspicion and guard both dissolved within the blanket of her unconsciousness. She was everything he had ever wanted, everything he had ever needed, yet there still was a terrifying chance that she would never forgive him, never be with him again. Their relationship was nothing but a mess of silent understanding and fractured hearts, but still, there was nothing else. Just her. 

And yet, it couldn't just be her anymore. He had his people to think about, his kingdom. If she refused to come back from exile, he would have to go back. He would have to lose her. 

The thought made him want to curl up in the sheets and never wake up. 

So Cardan Greenbriar, High King of Elfhame, was going to do everything in his power to make sure his wife came home.

Jude's P.O.V

When I woke, it was to the feeling of a finger delicately tracing over the curve of my lip, along with a softly delicate murmur. 

"Jude, wake up." 

My eyes peeled open, my vision immediately filled with the soft expression adorning Cardan's quite flawless features. Against my iron will, my stomach fluttered at the sight. He pulled me closer, hand digging into the curve of my waist with firm gentleness. 

"Good morning, Cardan." The smooth, unaffected coating to my words made pride tingle at my fingertips at my self control. 

The corner of his lips quirked, though only slightly. "How do you feel, wife?" he asked with a tone that only could be described as a hollow, pitiful excuse for teasing. An annoyed breath blew through my lips, though I allowed my back to arch ever so slightly as I stretched out my limbs in a brief test. A pang of dull soreness sprung up my legs, though not unbearably so. 

Even still, my cheeks warmed.

"I'm perfectly fine," I arched a brow, jaw clenching slightly. 

Then silence fell, an invisible tension that clenched its warm fingers around my chest, tightening with wicked ease. 

Torturous. That was the only way to describe the inches of physical distance between us, the miles of divide between us mentally. It took a fair amount to leave me speechless, but even if I tried, I doubted any words would come out. 

_And so, in some unspoken agreement, they didn't attempt to bridge that emotional divide yet, merely falling into the gravity of their love for one another and holding their bodies close._

***

The unrest in Elfhame was tangible. Cardan's absence had left the throne vulnerable, and every powerful enemy from the darkest corners of Faerie were sending rippling whispers throughout the land. 

Time was running out for them.

***

Vivi's P.O.V

When she returned from taking Oak to school, the environment in the house was eerily calm. She paused at the threshold of the front door, taking in the sight of Cardan calmly flipping through a magazine on the couch, though quite obviously not reading a word, while Jude was aimlessly pulling food from the fridge to make a meal that looked, so far, harrowingly unappetizing. Neither spoke a word, tension laying thick over the room.

A small prickle of irritation stung at her fingertips. It seemed she would have to fulfill the role of bossy older sister despite her best efforts to keep herself out of anything that had to do with Faerie. 

"Jude, come here right now," she sighed, though her tone was unwaveringly firm. Jude turned, eyes narrowing to near slits almost immediately, as if she could sense Vivi's thoughts before they were even formed. 

Their stares connected, Jude's stubborn glare surprisingly fading rather quickly with a defeated slump of her shoulders. 

And then she was trudging over to Vivi, trailing behind her as they made their way to the couch. Vivi stood standing, crossing her arms as the two obviously star crossed lovers looked anywhere but one another. 

"Talk." 

Vivi's command was apparently as convincing as if it was spoken with a glamour. 

Jude's P.O.V

As soon as Vivi vacated the room, the accusation tumbled from my lips like water spilling down rocks of a particularly powerful waterfall. 

"I loved you, and you betrayed me." 

Speaking the words still felt like being struck by lightening, a bolt of fear and electricity crackling through my veins at speaking them aloud so casually. Cardan's eyes were haunted with dark grey circles, storm clouds against the shocking pale of his skin. "And I loved you. I still love you. I thought I was doing what was necessary to protect the throne, you were security that Madoc or any other opposing force couldn't take the throne, even if they killed me. You were that security. But allowing it to hurt you in the process was my constant, painfully torturous retribution for what I did to you." His breath caught, tears wavering in the corners of his coal black eyes. My throat tightened as his eyelids fluttered shut for a moment, blinking them away. "And it destroyed me, Jude, I couldn't sleep, I couldn't... I couldn't function, I swear couldn't even breathe right without you with me. I need you, Elfhame needs you, and... I can't do it alone. I don't want to do it alone. So please, come back and be the queen that our people need."

 _Our._ Quite possibly the first time he had referred to us as equals, one in the same. 

The overwhelming rush of emotion was almost too much to bear, a mix of relief and hurt and just the barest sliver of hope.  

"I thought mortals were too weak for such a thing. Too lowly. Nothing."

His lip curled slightly. "Words spoken by a jealous boy. You are anything but lowly and weak, Jude."

The pride that stuttered my heartbeat was only a brief flicker of vulnerability I allowed before I clamped down on it with an invisible iron cage. I didn't need his approval. 

"I know you don't need my approval," he murmured, as if sensing the words directly from their weight on my tongue, his silent and complete understanding of me always startling. My fingers clenched as he continued. "I don't know how else to convince you to come back, Jude. I could tell you a hundred times over how much I'm so desperately in love with you, I could fall to my knees and beg at your feet and kiss your shoes until my lips bled. But you have to want to come back; I can't make you, and I will not make you." 

I blinked, my vision clearing as if seeing him for the very first time. This was not the spoiled prince that had tortured me day in and day out, wicked and spiteful and childish. No, the firm exhaustion in his eyes, the slightly stiffer posture to his back, the calm acceptance radiating off of him... 

Cardan Greenbriar wasn't a prince anymore, he was a king in every sense of the word. 

And I was a queen.

It felt as if I was moving through hot liquid, my limbs slow and sluggish as I stood up, settling onto the cushions on his side of the couch. The mere proximity of him sent heat eagerly licking across my skin, begging for his touch. He merely gazed at me, eyes glittering and lips slightly parted as his stare unabashedly roamed my features. 

"I love you Cardan," I whispered, my fingertips lightly grazing over his as a bare smile turned my lips.

"I'll come back with you."

***

Jude's P.O.V

The journey back to Faerie was nothing but a blur, my hands stuffed into the pockets of my trousers to hide their obvious tremble. Cardan somehow was the picture of confidence, his golden crown immaculate and gleaming in the light of dusk, extravagant clothes having since replaced the dusty mortal t-shirts he had worn for the past several days. We strode through the gardens spilling over with bright, fully bloomed flowers, the only sound between us our footsteps against the gravel path. The temptation to grab for his hand was overwhelming, but I wouldn't stand to look weak in front of all of these people. I was a queen returning to claim her crown, not Cardan's terrified mortal wife. 

My chin lifted with a wave of stubborn confidence. 

As we ascended the steps, my pulse grew wild, rushing in my ears as we hesitated for a brief moment at the grand door to the main ballroom, a party clearly in full swing from the sounds filtering underneath the threshold. The guards, though attempting to seem impervious to our presence, were quite obviously watching us like vultures. Cardan turned to me, a wan smile adorning his rosy lips. "I love you." Before I could reply his lips were pressed to mine, warm and sweet and a silent confession of everything that I knew and felt in my soul. Then he pushed the doors open.

It was a few moments before anyone even noticed the two of us, drunken guests distracted by wild dancing while drowning in sweets and alcohol. But it seemed that Cardan Greenbriar had a special talent for pulling focus, and it wasn't long before a hush went over the crowd at the sight of us together. I could pick out familiar faces in the crowd as my eyes dragged across the room. Nicasia, looking a dangerous combination of shocked and livid. Locke and Taryn were half tangled in an embrace, my sister horrified in contrast to Locke's expression of dull intrigue. And then, after a second glance, the Bomb and the Roach hovering among the shadows of the rafters, their slight smiles almost invisible in the darkness. My chest tightened with anxiety.

Then Cardan spoke. 

"For several months, I have been living a false truth, casting a cloak of doubt over my people. When I tell you this, there is no manipulation, no tricks, no falsehoods. I have not been a king nor a leader to you all. I have merely been the face of Elfhame, allowing my subjects to believe I was the one that kept this country going, when in actuality I was no more than the puppet. No, this entire time it was my former seneschal that was bringing security and strength to our land." 

He turned to me for a brief moment, tilting his head slightly. "The Fae parade as if we are superior to mortals, but she was the one leading you all of this time, not I. She is an equal to any one of us, if not with magic and gifts than with her cunning, her intellect, her ability to make decisions. And with this I believe she is the answer to the growing unrest in Faerie. Which is one of the reasons why I asked her to marry me, second to the fact that I am so very, completely in love with her."

If there was something quieter than silence, that was what now blanketed the room. My blood was ice cold in my veins, yet alive with a thousand fires of excitement and possibility. 

"Jude Greenbriar, my wife." He smiled out at the crowd with dazzling brightness as he took my hand.

"Behold, the High Queen of Elfhame." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as always with my work, feel free to leave any comments/constructive criticism/praise/kudos, its why I love to write and share my stuff with you all! :)
> 
> and thank you for reading!

**Author's Note:**

> as always with my work, feel free to leave any comments/constructive criticism/praise/kudos, its why I love to write and share my stuff with you all! :)


End file.
